Category: Home and Family

We recently made our “annual” trip to Northern California to visit family and friends. It was a fun, relaxing time of connection with our loved ones, those who are closest to our hearts but physically far away from our home in San Diego.

On a Wednesday morning, Dennis, the kids, and me met my mom at the nursing home where my Nana has been living the past couple of years. I got to see Nana this past April, shortly after the first surgery to fix her broken hip.  She was in pain and disoriented from the medication and anesthesia.  But, she was talkative and engaged.  My mom and I giggled a couple times, as Nana gave us her version of stories that didn’t seem altogether plausible.  (Nana could always make me laugh harder than anyone.  She had this dry delivery and often wasn’t trying to be funny, which made her even funnier!)

When we entered her room in July, just 6 days after her 96^th birthday, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say we were shocked.  She looked so small and frail, much worse than when I saw her in April.  Those weeks and months of pain had taken such a toll on her body.  My mom gently encouraged Nana to open her eyes and see that we were there to visit.  Her face perked up at the mention of Sienna and Mateo, no doubt because my mom often speaks happily about them.  We all giggled when Nana looked at Dennis and said, “Well you’re a good looking man.”

We stood around her bed, holding her hands – nearly closed from arthritis – and asking how she was doing. Watching my sweet husband lovingly stroke Nana’s hair away from her forehead was precious and made my heart swell.  Sienna and Teo were a bit intimidated.  Teo kept gazing at me, with his lower lip sticking out and saying, “It’s so sad.”

After a while, we could see that Nana needed to rest, her eyes kept closing during our visit. My words caught in my mouth as we said “We’ll see you next time we’re here to visit,” knowing quite well it was an empty promise.  As I started to take her hand to say goodbye, Nana looked at me with complete recognition in her eyes and said, clearly and somewhat defiantly, “I know you’re Kelsey.”   Tears slipped down my cheeks and I could hear my mom start to cry too. It was the most perfect, precious moment and I’ll always cherish it.

Nana died in the early hours of the morning today. She was surrounded by her children, daughter-in-law, grandchildren, and one of her several great-grandchildren as her final hours passed.  Nana was 96 years old.  She was immensely blessed with family to love and that loved her deeply in return.  What a beautiful end to a beautiful life.

This past Saturday, we had very little planned. After going on a run with a good friend (Hi Leslie!), I was home and cleaned up by 9:00 a.m.  Dennis and I had some cleaning projects to tackle around the house, so we got to work while the kids played outside.  After a little while, Teo ran in and asked to open the dinosaur fossil kit we gave him for his birthday.  Dennis got it down from his closet and explained to Teo what he needed to do.

This kit includes miniature dinosaur bones encased in a block of plaster. Kids use a mini pick to chip away the plaster to reveal the bones.  Once all the bones are free you assemble the dinosaur model.  Teo had the Tyrannosaurus Rex edition.  Dennis got him all setup at one of the patio tables and we expected this project to keep his attention for a little while.

As we cleaned and did household chores, we kept commenting to one another about Teo’s dedication to this project. We could see and hear him diligently picking at the plaster through the sliding door in our bedroom.  He was covered with plaster dust and very focused.  We’d never seen him concentrate for so long on one task.  We’re talking nearly three hours of archeological excavation!

Sienna got in on the fun too. Being the helpful big sister, she was enthusiastic and supportive of Teo’s efforts and did a little chipping too.  It was really cool to see her excited about something he was doing, since typically it’s the other way around, with Teo thinking anything Sienna does is very interesting.

When Teo had finished chipping away all the plaster, he called “Dad! I need your help!” Dennis washed off the bones and helped assemble the T-Rex.  Both of them beamed with pride when they brought in the completed dinosaur.  Dennis has always been interested in dinosaurs and I could tell he was really excited that Teo embraced this project.  We praised Teo for working so hard and diligently to get all the bones freed.

“What’s diligently mean?” he asked me.

“It means not giving up. You kept at it for a long time,” I replied.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I did.”

This day became more memorable when, right around noon, Sienna was in the house eating a snack. She suddenly said to me: “I love days like this! When we’re all home with nothing we have to do.” I agreed with her and said a little prayer of thanksgiving for her observation and the joy of being a family.  Not five minutes later, Teo ran inside and, before I could scold him for tracking plaster dust on the clean floor, jumped in the air and shouted “Best day, ever!”

Honestly, Teo says, “This is the best day, ever!” about once a week. He’s an optimistic little kid.  But, the timing of both of their comments caused me to reflect on the simple things that make a child feel happy, safe, and fulfilled.  They were just home, playing around the house.  Nothing structured, no expensive activity was involved.  They weren’t watching television; we’d had music playing for the past couple hours.  We were just all at home, on a beautiful day, with time to follow our whims to play, take care of our home, relax, or, dig diligently for dinosaur bones.

The first time I recall being surprised by a loved one was when I was 8 years old. My parents took us three kids out of school early and told us we were going on a trip.  It wasn’t until we boarded an airplane in San Francisco that they told us the destination: Disneyland!  We were ecstatic!  The surprise element really added to the sense of fun and adventure.

This experience planted a seed in me. I remember thinking, “How fun!  I can’t wait to surprise my kids one day!” But, even before having kids, I started incorporating surprises into my family life.

When Dennis and I were dating, it occurred to me that he needed to visit Miami to see his favorite football teams play. He’s been a Miami Dolphins fan since he was a kid and a University of Miami Hurricane’s fan about that long too.  But, he’d never been to Miami!  We had to fix this.  So, in my youthful zeal, I decided to use some of my student loan funds (I was working on my M.A. in History at SDSU at the time) on a weekend trip to Miami to see both teams play.  I purchased our flights, booked the hotel, and found tickets to the Canes’ game on Saturday and the Dolphins’ game on Sunday.

The trip was in mid-November, about three months away. I told myself that I’d wait until a couple days before the trip to surprise Dennis… I lasted three days.  Out at dinner that weekend, I couldn’t contain my excitement and spilled the beans.  He was surprised and thrilled!   I LOVED the feeling of doing something special for this wonderful guy; especially because it was something that meant a lot to him.

Years later, I took that feeling to another level when I celebrated his 50^th birthday.  The 50 Days to Celebrate 50 Years project was so much fun!  I got to think of little surprises that Dennis would enjoy and share them with him daily for nearly 2 months.  Reminiscing about the Miami trip surprise, I got us tickets to the University of Hawaii Warriors game against SDSU as one of the surprises.  Again, I cherished knowing my husband and what would be meaningful to him.  It creates such a sense of intimacy to contemplate your spouse and think of things that would make him happy.

Once Sienna and Mateo were old enough, we jumped on the idea of surprising them. I got to live out my 8 year old wish when we surprised them with a trip to Disneyland! We actually have had the chance to do it a few times, when we had the annual passes.  We’d wake them up, get them dressed and piled into the car, and then announce the destination when we headed out on the drive.  Their reactions were priceless!  So fun.

Last year, I learned that Phantom of the Opera was coming to San Diego and right after Dennis’s birthday. He loves the musical, but hadn’t seen it performed live.  Another surprise opportunity dawned on me!  I got tickets, as his birthday gift, months in advance and feared I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret until his birthday.  Recalling the Miami trip to my friend Andra sparked her to say: “I bet you won’t be able to keep it a secret until his birthday!”  We bet a lunch out.  My competitiveness helped me to keep the secret and win the bet!  I’ve thanked Andra several times for helping me last those months without spoiling the surprise.

These are mostly stories of pretty grand gestures, but I’ve found lots of little ways over the years to incorporate the fun of surprising loved ones in little ways. For example, when my mom was recently visiting, Teo had asked her to pick him up early from preschool.  She’s often able to pick up Sienna early, but Teo’s school is less convenient.  She decided to pick him up one day, but we opted not to tell him.  Partly to spare him disappointment in case her plans changed, but also so she could surprise him.  He was so surprised and happy to see her.  “Gaga! What are you doing here?!” he yelled as she ran across the playground and jumped into her arms.

A couple weeks ago, I spoiled a surprise somewhat, but still got to enjoy the excited response when I told my sister that Teo and I are coming up to visit in mid-April. Right after Sarah had her third baby and first girl – Charley Ann – I started hatching a plan with my mom to make a quick visit to meet her.  Our next big trip to Humboldt isn’t until July and I simply couldn’t wait.  I wanted to surprise Sarah by just showing up at her door, but logistically that was going to be tough.  We were on the phone the other day and I suddenly had a strong urge to tell her our plan.  I said, “Oh, I want to tell you something but then I also want to surprise you!”  Obviously the whole plan came out shortly after that.  But, it was still a surprise in that we already had the travel booked and everything coordinated.

Surprising the people you love with something that’s meaningful to them is such a joy! You get to enjoy the fun of planning the surprise, which includes thinking about the person in a more deliberate way. Then there’s the fun of watching their reaction and telling them about your plans, ideas, and the dedication it took to keep the secret!  The person being surprised then gets the joy of knowing that you cared enough to plan something special for them.  Finally, the surprise element makes the experience more memorable, so that the occasion becomes a shared memory, knitting your family together.

What surprises have you pulled off for someone? I’d love to hear your stories!

A bouquet of flowers just arrived at my office, and they were for me!  My sweet husband sent me flowers with a loving card that included our kids as the flower “givers”.  He really knows what is meaningful to me.

When I turned the vase around and saw the silver heart on it, I started laughing.  It’s very similar to the heart necklace that Dennis gave me for our first Christmas together.  The silver heart on the necklace has beautiful diamonds in the middle, but that’s not what makes the gift memorable.  Just a few days before opening this gift, Dennis and I were chatting and I commented: “I hate heart jewelry.  It’s so juvenile looking.”  When I opened his gift, he kind of hung his head and said, “I know you don’t like heart jewelry…”  I had some fast talking and reassuring to do!  Now it’s a funny anecdote to look back on.

We’ve never been into the big fancy dinner dates for Valentine’s Day.  In fact, our first Valentine’s Day as a couple came 10 months into our courtship.  We didn’t get to spend the day together because Dennis was attending his aunt’s funeral up in Northern California and I was busy with graduate school.  As an early gift, he presented me with three of my favorite movies on DVD: Sleepless in Seattle, Father of the Bride, and Father of the Bride II. I spent Valentine’s Day watching these movies and being grateful for a boyfriend who understood me.

Twelve years later, we have a pretty established Valentine’s Day tradition.  I make us steak, sautéed mushrooms, and asparagus.  We enjoy some chocolate and red wine and watch Sleepless in Seattle after the kids go to bed.  Traditions make things fun and feel familiar.  It makes a day that’s commercialized and makes it feel like “us.”

Part of the fun of Valentine’s Day is the kids’ activities too.  I came home for the pool this morning and was tickled to see Sienna’s outfit.  She had one head-to-toe hearts!  The skirt she chose has been sitting in her drawer, unworn, for over a year.  When I would try to get her to wear it, she’d claim “It’s for Valentine’s Day!”

This year I crafted the valentines for Teo’s class.  Sienna actually picked the penguin craft out of a magazine, but then she bailed on helping make them.  I figured pulling together 12 for Teo’s class was easier than 28 for Sienna’s!  Also, the candy we used to fill the little baggies that the penguin was going to hold turned out to be too heavy.  I decided to make little frosted heart butter cookies instead.  Homemade treats are okay at the church preschool, not so much at the public elementary school.  So, Sienna took cute little baggies of Twizzlers pieces with a heart tag that said “Happy Valentine’s Day” for her class.

I’m bummed that I neglected to take a picture of the finished penguin valentines!  The picture is from the magazine, but Teo’s version had a frosted pink heart in the twist-tie baggie with a heart tag that he signed the back of.  So fun!

Another tradition that I’m going to fulfill this afternoon is making cards for Dennis, Sienna, and Mateo at my office Valentine’s Day “party”.  We’ve put out materials for folks to make cards for their loved ones for the past four years or so.  It’s sweet, creative, and a little silly to sit around making cards with your coworkers.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

At bath time last night, Sienna asked me to play a game with her.  While her bathtub filled with water, she arranged a princess castle on one end of the bathtub and laid 5 small mermaid figures along the ledge of the tub.  After selecting her mermaid, she asked me to pick one.  Then, she explained the rules of a new game she and her friends made up at school called “Race to the End”:

“Okay, so you’ll ask me questions and if I get them right, then my mermaid moves closer to the  castle.  Then, I’ll ask you questions and your mermaid moves if you get them right. First one to the castle, wins.”

“What kind of questions?” I asked.

“Like what’s my favorite things… animal, food, color.”

At first I told her that I had a huge advantage because, as her mother, I’ve known her all her life.  But, over a half an hour later, I’d learned a lot about my daughter.  I was able to ask things about where I grew up, when I was diagnosed with diabetes, and other fun facts.  Sienna had to stick with lots of “What’s my favorite…” type questions since I know all the facts about her.  I’ll just share some of the highlights from our inaugural game:

Early in the game she asked me, “What’s my favorite princess?”

“Ariel,” I answered, “That’s easy.”

“Nope. Snow White.”

“Since when?!” I retorted.

“She’s always been my favorite.” Sienna innocently replied.

I gave her a skeptical look and took my turn.

Later I asked, “What’s my favorite thing to do?”

Sienna’s response was, “I know, cuddling up on the couch watching a movie with your family with a fire in the fireplace and eating dinner.”

“Man, I was thinking of reading, but that’s true, I do love to do that,” I said.

“So, did I get that one?” Sienna asked, smiling sweetly.

“Okay, sure.”

Several more of these types of exchanges rounded out the game.  Sienna knows her mother well enough to know that a cute or clever response would win me over and I’d give her the “point” even if it wasn’t the answer I had in mind.  Then, she turned it around on me:

“Who’s my favorite friend?” she asked.

“Mia.”

“No, you.”

I smiled and said, “That’s so sweet, you little cheater.”

In the end, dozens of questions later, Sienna won.  I’m challenging her to a rematch.

I’m so grateful that, after writing about throwing out my planner and staying in the moment, I was mindful to say yes to Sienna’s request to play a game.  Spending this dedicated time with my daughter, learning about one another, was priceless.  When I think about the way Dennis and I hope to raise our kids, I always come back to wanting them to feel loved and like they belong, first and foremost, in our family.  Strengthening our bonds with them is simply the most precious and important use of our time.

So, if you’re looking for a game to play with your kids, give “Race to the End”.  Apparently, it can be played with any time of game pieces and end place.

But, the preferred venue is obviously the ledge of a bathtub.