Category: Home and Family

Home and Family, My Awakening

A Daily Mantra for Presence and Connection

kelseybonilla

It’s a typical weeknight, around 5 o’clock and I’m headed to pick up my kids from their after school program.  As I make the familiar drive, my thought pattern might sound something like this:

Dinner is tacos, so I’ll need to prep most of it when we get home.  It’s bath night, so I’ll get Sienna in the bath while Teo does his homework.  Then, if she takes a quick bath I can get Teo into the bath while I finish dinner.  With luck, they’ll both be done by the time Dennis gets home from work.  Then, we’ll eat dinner.  I’ll get their lunches packed while Dennis does the dishes and the kids watch a little television with their dessert.  I think we still have some cookies left.  We should get them to bed earlier tonight…

Or, my thoughts might go like this:

What a pretty evening.  I wonder how the kids’ school day went.  I wonder if Teo lost his tooth today… he was trying to wiggle it out at school.  Sienna’s going to be excited to tell me how much further she’s gotten in the Reading Olympics.  I’m so excited she’s starting to read The Babysitter’s Club books now!  Hmmm, Bath night tonight and tacos for dinner.  We’ll see how it goes – maybe they’ll both get done before dinner, maybe not.  We’ll see how everything unfolds…

014.JPGI have noticed that my mindset makes a huge difference in how I relate to my family.  When I approach the moment with the openness and curiosity of that second scenario, I am more present, am better able to connect with my husband and children, and everyone is more peaceful.  When I have a mental checklist of all the action items that need to be crossed off, I turn our time together as a family into a distracted series of “to-dos”.

Life is in the here and now.  It’s not an idealized time and place we’ll get to enjoy once all the busyness of our day is done.  When my kids have a question or want me to do something with them, the time to hear them and connect is right then.  If I’m too busy with dinner, bath time, chores, or other activities, I’ll miss the moment.  Obviously, meals have to be cooked, dishwashers need to be emptied, kids need to do homework, and teeth have to be brushed.  It’s also important that kids learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them.  Sometimes, their story or activity will need to wait while we set the table for dinner or finish washing their hair.  But, the answer can’t always be, “Not now, I’m too busy…” if we want to enjoy our evening routine and use it as a time of connection and restoration as a family.

The subtle, underlying problem with the first scenario is that it depends upon a unhealthy level of control over people and situations that I simply do not have.  The kids could be in a happy, cooperative mood, or one (or both!) of them may be very tired and need help processing their feelings about something that happened that day.  Any number of issues could pop up to derail the “plan” from a sick dog to food that spoiled.  Until I’m in the moment, how can I know what’s going to happen?

By pre-planning in specific detail, I trick myself into feeling a sense of control.  If things unfold as I imagine, I feel comfort and stability.  However, the thing I’m sacrificing is presence and connection.  The “plan” or my list of action items becomes the driving force in the evening, instead of presence to see and hear my children and husband.  Also, if things don’t go according to my plan, then I’m extra irritable and short with my loved ones for not falling in line and behaving the way I wanted them to (of course, many of those expectations go unsaid, so it’s particularly unfair!).

The little mantra I’ve started to use, when I notice my mind (oh those pesky thoughts!) drifting towards imagining how the evening will go, is: “I’ll see how I feel when I get there.”  It’s a thought that I originally started using when on long runs I’d start dreading the hill at mile 9 when I was back on mile 2!  But, it’s so applicable to any thought that anticipates a future moment.  You won’t know how the moment will go or how you’ll feel, until you’re there.

Home and Family

A Birthday on Potato Chip Rock

kelseybonilla

For my 37th birthday on Tuesday, Dennis and I planned a “date day” to hike Mount Woodson to the famed “Potato Chip Rock.”  It was a beautiful day for a hike and awesome to do this relatively busy trail on a weekday, so we didn’t have to stand in line to get out on the rock.

After dropping the kids off at school – and listening to Teo’s pleas to “…spend your whole birthday with you, Mommy!” – we ate a delicious breakfast at Nutmeg and then drove to Lake Poway to start the 8 mile roundtrip hike to Potato Chip Rock.

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It was so fun to spend most of my birthday hanging out with my sweet husband.  We’d enjoyed an usual stretch of one-on-one time the past few days.  First, a date night on Saturday evening: we watched La La Land (loved it!!) and had dinner at Rock Bottom Brewery.  Next, we dropped the kids off with our good friends at church on Sunday morning so we could attend a baseball/T-Ball clinic for 3 hours!  I’m going to be the Manager and Dennis is going to help coach Teo’s T-Ball team this year.  Doing drills and learning about coaching techniques together was bonding and just ridiculously fun! Now we celebrated my birthday with hiking, talking, and sharing the experience of seeing these spectacular views for the first time.  So much wonderful togetherness!

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After ascending for four miles of rocky terrain, I didn’t consider the possibility that the rock itself would be challenging to access, but it was!  There’s one boulder that you have to climb up and then jump this gap over to Potato Chip Rock.  Dennis went first and offered me his hand.  I took his hand and just jumped… a little marriage trust exercise that fortunately worked out.  Getting back off the rock was even more of a challenge, but the nice little community of hikers helped one another.  I felt pretty pleased with myself for being brave and going for it!

This birthday “date day” felt like the perfect way to celebrate during my “Year of Essential”.  We didn’t spend a lot of money, got out and enjoyed God’s creation on a beautiful day, and I got to spend time with the person who is the most essential in my life.

 

Home and Family

I Want to Stay Three, Actually.

kelseybonilla

Thursday evening, after his bath, Teo and I were sitting in his bedroom with all of his pajamas spread out on the floor. I’d casually asked if he wanted to wear the pajamas on the end of his bed or another pair.  In his post school day exhaustion, he whined that he didn’t want to wear “…those jammies!”  Then he declared, “I want to see all of my choices!” Mateo is an ultra-deliberate decision maker. This fact plus his emotional state set him up for quite the reaction to his pajama dilemma.

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Seeing all the pajamas laid out, I took the opportunity to select a few sets that he’d clearly outgrown. They were mostly shorts and t-shirt sets that he hadn’t worn in several months due to our unusually chilly winter. “Oh, these Mickey ones don’t fit anymore. Probably these other ones too,” I said as I gathered three pajama sets in my hands.  “Those are my favorites!  You can’t get rid of them!” Teo replied.  “Honey, you’ve outgrown them, it’s okay to clear them out of your drawer.”

“I don’t want to grow up, Mama!” Teo started to cry. “I want to stay six.”

I started to tell him how growing up is what he’s supposed to do. We’ve had this conversation several times lately and the words rolled right off my tongue.  “Teo, God designed us to grow up…”

“I liked being small. I want to stay three, actually.”

“Three? Really? Was three the perfect age?”

“Yes,” he replied as he curled up in my arms.

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I signed as a thought suddenly occurred to me: this is really how he feels, he’s mourning the loss of his little boy self. For that matter, I’m mourning it a bit too.  Why don’t I stop trying to reason with him and just hold him in my lap while he cries?

We sat, cuddled up on the floor of his bedroom for several minutes. When Dennis came home from work he found us there.  “What’s going on?” he asked.

“We’re just cuddling. Teo’s deciding which pajamas to wear.”

Shortly after that, Mateo decided which pajamas most appealed to him and got them on. The rest of the evening he was in great spirits and I was reminded of the simple truth that emotions are like the weather.  When we express them or at least stop resisting them, they pass in their own good time. What came out as a reaction to outgrowing pajamas was actually more about being expected to behave like a big kid for the whole day – sitting in class all day and then cooperating with his after school teachers for nine hours.  I couldn’t argue with him – life was simpler when he was three.

By letting out his pent of feelings, without being told that he was silly or wrong for feeling them, Teo quickly moved on to the next adventure in his life… in this case, dinnertime.

Home and Family, Uncategorized

Annual Check-ups, Football, and Growing Kids

kelseybonilla

A very specific feeling comes over me whenever I’m in a medical office with my children.  It’s a mixture of calmness, heightened senses, and the peace that comes from having one priority to focus on.

Just last night, after showing the kids the picture of Teo and me from six years ago in the NICU that Facebook reminded me of, they insisted on hearing the entire story again.  As they finished dinner I started the tale of Teo’s weeklong stay in the NICU because he had the “diabetic baby” stigma.  Teo chimed in with his favorite part of the story, “…and I was so big it looked like I ate the other babies!”

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Recalling the feelings from that memorable week set the stage for today’s visit to the pediatrician.  With the kids’ birthdays being so close together and at the beginning of the year, it’s easy to remember when to schedule and efficient to knock out their annual physicals or “well child check-up” at the same time.

Today’s visit was fun because I finally get the hang of what questions the doctor wants me to answer and which she’s looking for the patient to address.  With Sienna, I spoke up for her at these appointments for probably two or three years past when I needed to.  I love our pediatrician and she was always gentle with me, but I figured out that I needed to pipe down and let Sienna speak up a couple years ago.

Determined not to make the same mistake with Teo, I hung back and let him speak up.  And did he ever!  He had a lot to tell the doctor – everything from the sports he plays with friends at school, to his every sniffle and cough for the past several months.  Later, while Sienna had her exam, Teo borrowed the doctor’s hammer to retest his reflexes and her stethoscope to check both his heart and mine. The doctor called him “The Kid with a Thousand Questions” by the time we left.

Sienna is now so big and capable of expressing her thoughts and feelings, I felt more like a spectator than a participant in her check-up today.

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I love seeing the growth and development in the kids during these annual visits.  Teo did his eye exam on the letter chart today; last year he didn’t know all his letters so he still used the picture chart.  They were both champs about the blood pressure test, when last year Teo cried about how much it hurt.  Sienna needs to have a blood test to check cholesterol within the next year!

During the visit today, Teo mentioned football so I decided to appeal to the doctor for support on my position.  “Let’s ask the doctor what she thinks about tackle football at your age!” I triumphantly said.  She replied, “Well, I’m a bit ambivalent…” and went on to describe some pros and cons.

This has become a bit of a joke in our home.  Dennis recently remembered an episode of The Wonder Years where Kevin’s mom doesn’t want him to play football and he asserts himself.  We all watched it together last night.  After just retelling the kids the tale of Teo’s NICU stay and gazing at the infant picture of him in the little football jammies, this episode struck me deeply.  Kevin is twelve years old.  In six more years, Teo will be that age.  At the end of the show, Kevin comes home injured after yelling at his mom not to baby him anymore.  She resists her urge to help bandage up his hand, instead telling him where to find the first aid supplies.  The poignant narrator explains how nothing really happened, “…but something changed that will never be the same again.”

I sobbed.  Teo sobbed.  He said, “I don’t want to grow up, Mommy!”  I had to pull myself together to explain that growing up is what’s supposed to happen.  God designed him to grow and experience all these wonderful stages and I’ll love him so much at each and every phase of his life.

That is, as long as he doesn’t get a concussion from playing football.

Home and Family, My Awakening

Lessons in Assertive Parenting (aka The Journal Story)

kelseybonilla

After suffering through watching the Dolphins lose badly in their playoff game Sunday, we had an unplanned afternoon ahead of us. It was a beautiful day in the mid-70s with rain promised for most of the upcoming week.  We decided to get outside to enjoy the sunshine with a hike in Penasquitos Canyon Preserve. There’s a beautiful waterfall, but it’s a six mile hike roundtrip, so we knew we wouldn’t make it that far before the sunset.  Nevertheless, it would be fun to hike in the mud and let the kids explore.

Sienna responded to our enthusiasm for the hike with “I’ll bring my journal to record what we find!” She is very observant; always pointing out interesting sights that I’d failed to see and asking inquisitive questions.  She found her trusty purple journal and new princess pen and brought them along.

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We arrived at the trailhead and had to park a half mile away. Apparently we weren’t the only ones who decided to enjoy being outdoors before the storms hit!  The five of us – Dennis, me, Sienna, Teo, and our little dog Claira, headed out, careful to avoid the gigantic puddles that had formed on the road.  About a half mile from the car, as we’d just entered the muddy trail, Sienna declared “I don’t want to carry this journal the whole time!  Can we take it back to the car?”

“Honey, it’s a ways back to the car. We can just take it along.  I thought you wanted to record your discoveries…” I replied.

“But, I don’t want to carry it the whole time!” she cried.

“Okay, well I’ll take a turn carrying it. Or, we can put it here by this bush and come back for it,” I offered, as I took the journal and pen from her.

“No! Someone will take it!” Sienna started to cry real tears.

Oh for goodness sakes, I thought, as I kept walking.

“We have to put it back in the car!”

“Sienna, it’s not that big of a deal! You’re not even carrying it!” I replied.

This back and forth lasted another minute or so. Finally, I asked, “Why did you bring it if you didn’t want to record what you found?”

Sienna replied, “I thought I did, but now I don’t. I made a mistake, Mom.”

She made a mistake. We all make mistakes.

How do I want to handle her mistake?  Make her suffer for it?  Shame her?  Or, be the one she comes to for help fixing her mistakes.

“Babe,” I called up the trail to Dennis. “We’re going to dash back to the car to drop this stuff off.”

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Truthfully, I was still irritated as we turned around. All we wanted to do was go for a nice family hike, I thought.  Then, I stopped that thought.  So, I’ll help her fix the mistake but make her feel badly about it?

I took a deep breath, slowed, turned back and waited for Sienna to catch up so I could take her hand.

“Let’s talk about how we could have handled this better,” I said. “I’m sorry for getting upset with you, I know it was a simple mistake.”

“I just didn’t want you to leave it there. I was afraid someone would take it.”

“I understand. Next time, can you ask more calmly?  It’s hard for me to hear what you’re trying to tell me when you’re crying and throwing a fit.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

We returned the journal, pen, and her jacket which she decided to ditch too, back to the car. In no time, we joined Dennis, Teo, and Claira to resume the hike.  We crossed creeks that were relatively raging with water, threw sticks in said creeks, and generally explored the canyon.

After about an hour, we spotted a tree that was filled with Woodpecker holes. “Wow, look at that, kids!” Dennis exclaimed.

“There’s a Woodpecker!” Sienna shouted.

We stood as quietly as possible to hear the Woodpecker drilling yet another hole into the old tree.

“Wow,” Sienna spoke with awe, “I wish I had some way to record this.”

“Oh, yeah. If only you had a field journal with you,” I couldn’t help but reply.

She looked up at me and met my sarcastic gaze with a wry look. “Yeah, Mom.” We smiled as I threw my arm around her shoulders.

As I’ve learned to be present and live more fully in the moment, I can see the ebb and flow of individual and family moods and feelings. We had a great day, overall.  But, there were tears and frustrations at various moments.  The kids bickered.  Teo got cold and I felt guilty for not bringing him a sweatshirt.  No one complained of hunger on the two hour hike, but typically that happens on long family outings.  Or, one child decides they’re going to die without the last drink of water and the other kid realizes they are also extremely parched.  Did I mention bickering??

But, by being more comfortable with being present and letting the moments unfold, I’m better able to rescue a family outing by modifying my own behavior. So our walk is delayed because we have to return a journal to the car?  Big deal; that’s just life as a family trying to balance the needs of four people.  When I needed things to go a certain way, my relationships with Dennis and the kids paid the price. When I strove for control, I likely would have pushed the issue with Sienna even further by shaming her for her poor decision to bring the journal or left it behind in the bush, causing her to completely meltdown.

It’s funny, I’ve been working on assertiveness as a parent. Just yesterday, when we first got home from church, before putting the recorded Dolphins game on, Teo copped an attitude about his half hour on the iPad.  I calmly put him in his room, put the iPad on the top shelf of my closet and told him he wouldn’t get to play on it for the entire day.  They only get to play games on it during the weekend, so this felt like a major consequence to him.  He threw a huge fit, but got over it once the football game was on and he had chocolate milk in his hand.  Looking back, taking away the iPad helped pave the way for connection and outdoor fun as a family.  Good decision, Mom!

I suppose one could argue that I wasn’t assertive when the journal situation arose. But, I think therein lies the trick to parenting, knowing when assertiveness helps and when it hurts.  Being unyielding with my children will not enhance my relationships with Sienna and Mateo.  Setting boundaries and holding them will.

There are no perfect guidelines, but focusing on connection and love will rarely steer me wrong.

Home and Family, My Awakening, Uncategorized

Some Thoughts on Aligning Values and Actions

kelseybonilla

Along the same lines of focusing on “the essential” things we value, I’ve been thinking and praying a lot about what’s important in life recently. One of the biggest complaints in modern life is how busy and hectic our days have become.  We seemingly get caught up in the tidal wave of activities, events, and to do lists, without stopping to ask ourselves whether we have to do any of it.

As I’m nearing my late thirties (when did that happen?!), I’ve come to realize that, in terms of possible activities, the decisions are typically not between something good and something bad. Instead, we have to choose between two positive and valuable activities. That’s when it becomes a challenge to simplify, because the things we may have to cut out are worthwhile, in and of themselves.

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For example, as a family with two working parents, our weekend hours are precious and few.   Going to the Divine Service on Sunday morning is our highest priority and we have adopted special routines around the morning, including Dennis and my coffee weekly coffee date while the kids are in Sunday school. I look forward to it all week!  During the fall, football is high on our priority list too, especially when the Dolphins are playing so well!

As our kids are getting into sports and activities, in addition to me coveting my early morning long run, Saturdays now include soccer games in the fall and soon Tee-ball in the spring. Which will be fun mother/son bonding since I’m co-coaching Teo’s Tee-ball team!  But, before you know it, the weekend is full of planned activities that we find valuable.

There are dozens of other potential activities that could fill our time and many of them are good – reading a book, playing with the kids at the park, socializing, preparing meals for people, teaching the kids to swim, spending time with my husband, catching up with extended family, exercising, cleaning the house, etc. But, when it comes time to decide how to spend a weekend afternoon, we need to consider how relatively valuable each of these activities are to us.  The hours are limited and prioritization is necessary if we want to look back and feel that we lived with integrity – that is our values were aligned with our actions.

Now that I think about this, it’s really being intentional about how we spend our time, right? Rather than going through the motions and opting to do whatever comes our way, without taking the time to actually choose.

Just today, I realized that I’d already fallen behind on my “Through the Bible in a Year” reading! It’s only the fourth day of the year!  I started to tell myself that I didn’t have time to read four chapters of the Bible each day.  The “I’m too busy for this” mantra only lasted a second before I realized that I’d just spent 10 minutes scrolling through Facebook.  When I compare spending time looking at social media (when, let’s be honest, at least half of the items I scroll by add no redeeming value to my life) to reading the Word of God, it’s pretty clear what’s more valuable.

So, going into the New Year, I’m praying that God helps me to mindfully prioritize activities that focus on Him and the people that I value most. Because, in the end, connections to my loved ones and God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is what’s most important to me.

Home and Family, My Awakening, Uncategorized

A Fall Family Day

kelseybonilla

One of the biggest joys of parenthood, Dennis and I have found, is witnessing our children reflect back to us the values we hold dear. This past Sunday, we got to experience this several times and it made for a magical, memorable day.

After leaving church, we discussed our plans for the day. Although it cooled off last week, the weather in San Diego during October can still be hot, so you can’t carve your pumpkins very far in advance.  Being from Humboldt, it was shocking to me the first time our carved pumpkins rotted and collapsed within a day or two!   So, we figured the day before Halloween was safest and suggested we carve pumpkins that afternoon. The kids cheered with enthusiasm!

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Their initial excitement fell when it became clear that Sienna misunderstood. She thought we were headed for the pumpkin patch.  We have visited Bates Nut Farm in Valley Center every fall since before the kids were born.  Sienna had made eight previous visits, so the tradition was well ingrained.  Because of soccer games on Saturday mornings and church on Sunday, we hadn’t been able to fit in a trip this year.  Then, in early October, we’d taken a trip to Julian with our good friends only to discover they were out of apples!  A visit to their local pumpkin patch salvaged the trip and we figured that could take the place of our annual trip to Bates this year.

“You can’t get pumpkins from a store!” Sienna said, indignantly.

“Actually, you can. We’ll stop by Trader Joe’s on the way home.” I replied.

“But, it’s not the same. There are just sad little pumpkins at the store.  Good pumpkins come from a pumpkin patch.”

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I looked back at our sulking daughter. Then, thankfully, I was in the moment and open rather than in my head and fixed on a certain plan for the day. It was cool and cloudy – which is key because we’d spent many times at the patch in 85 degree weather and it was already late in the morning.  There wasn’t a reason we couldn’t decide to go head up to Bates.   After a quick consultation with Dennis and an agreement that we’d just go and not have expectations, knowing that it could be crowded, the pumpkins picked over, etc., we announced “Okay, let’s go to the pumpkin patch!”

We told Sienna, “Thank you for reminding us how important this family tradition is. We love that you love it, sweet girl.”  She beamed.

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We had to make a quick stop at Target (is there such a thing?!) to get carving supplies. On the way out of the store, we saw a gentleman collecting money for veteran’s suffering from PTSD and other conditions.  Teo asked what he was doing and we explained.  Living in San Diego, the military is all around us and Dennis served in the Marine Corps, so Teo is very interested in all things military. He had just used a few dollars to purchase a toy and had his change in his pocket. “I have a dollar left of my allowance. Can I give it to him?”

“Of course,” I replied as we approached the donation box on the table. Teo asked what the sign said (He’s super interested in words now that he’s starting to learn to read!).  I read it to him but didn’t go into a lot of detail about what PTSD was.  After putting his dollar into the slot, Teo said, “Maybe I’ll have that one day.”

I signed deeply and held his hand. “We pray you don’t, but you just helped someone who does.” Oh, my heart.

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Bates Nut Farm is super cool. They have a big general store that sells all sorts of nuts, dried fruit, candy, and other food items, as well as seasonal decor.  The back part of the store is always filled with Christmas decorations and is our favorite part.  We spent a good half an hour exploring the Christmas displays and showing one another our discoveries.  When we came to a display of nativity scenes of all shapes and sizes, Sienna zeroed in on a small figurine of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and was captivated.

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“Mom, do I have enough allowance saved for this?” she asked hopefully.

“Let’s see,” I said turning it over and learning it cost $23.00. “You just about have enough at home in your spending category. Do you want to spend it all on this?” I asked.

“Yes! But, I don’t have the money with me,” she sadly replied.

“I can buy it for you now and you can pay me back when we get home,” I suggested.

“Really?! Yes, I want to get it.”

“Okay, but are you sure you want to spend all your money?” I asked, recalling that she’d been talking about saving for another set of Calico Critters.

“Yes. This is so much more special than a toy,” she stated.

I felt an inclination to offer to split the cost of the nativity figurine with her. I loved that she wanted it and somehow wanted to reward her.  Then I thought, no.  This is something special and valuable to her and she’s willing to spend the money she earned for it.  To take that away from her would diminish her sense of ownership of her treasure.

When we got home, after a little while, I remembered that she needed to repay me. Again, I felt a desire not to make her pay for the figurine; maybe it came from a place of wanting to gift it to her…?  But again, I realized that she would cherish it all the more because of her decision to spend the money she earned on it.  “Sienna, remember you’re going to pay me back for your nativity statue,” I told her.

She jumped up from the living room. “Oh yes, Mommy.  I’ll go get it!”  I’ve never seen someone so eager to part with their money.

The clouds gave way to rain while we were up in Valley Center. It was cozy and as fall-like as any day in San Diego can be.  We drugged back to our car with our muddy feet as Sienna asked if we could go home and make apple cider to have while carving our pumpkins.  “It’ll be a fall celebration!” she gushed.

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I loved this day. Being present and connecting with our little family made each of these special moments possible.  There are still days that I’m in my head and striving for control.  But, I’m learning and growing all the time.

When I am living in and accepting the moment as it unfolds, life is more peaceful, I am more deeply connected to my husband and children, and tender moments abound.  I am open to the urging of the Holy Spirit and can respond to the needs and concerns of my loved ones.  When these sweet moments reveal themselves, it confirms my belief that letting go and being present is what I’m called to do.

Home and Family, Uncategorized

Unexpected Birthday Chaos

kelseybonilla

A couple weeks ago was Dennis’s birthday.  He’s not that into celebrating his birthday so of course I make a BIG deal out of it!  It was a Monday so we decided to take the day off and enjoy a “date day” while the kids were in school.  We knew we’d go down to Liberty Station in Point Loma to enjoy their public market, but other than that we didn’t have a plan.

After dropping the kids off at school, we decided to forgo sitting in traffic on our way to Point Loma for breakfast and instead eat closer to home.  San Diego folks – if you haven’t been to Nutmeg Bakery and Café, you have to go!  It’s an urban styled, farm-to-table place with amazing coffee and delicious food.  We loved it!

I’d been battling with my medical supplies company for the past couple weeks.  They needed an updated prescription for my insulin pump supplies and then had to run it through insurance.  Just the ridiculous process of obtaining supplies for a chronic illness.  Anyway, I was down to my very last pump site and the one I’d inserted the night before was defective.  So, it’s was a tenuous situation.  On our drive down to Liberty Station my cell phone was on hold with the medical supply company for over 30 minutes!  But, when I finally got through to someone, they confirmed that my order was shipped and should arrive by Wednesday.  I would just make it with my current infusion site. Whew!

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After strolling around lovely Liberty Station and enjoying the peaceful gardens and very quiet public market – it was before 10:00 a.m. on a Monday morning – we decided to hit Old Navy on our way to see a movie.  Sienna needed a college t-shirt for her school (they wear college t-shirts on Mondays) and her teacher said they had SDSU shirts there.

I found so many cute things at Old Navy, so I decided to try some clothes on.  I was mindful of my infusion site which was located on my hip.  But, not mindful enough obviously, because it pulled right out and hit the floor as I took off a pair of pants!  Agh!!  I quickly got my purchases together and told Dennis the news – I had no infusion sets and we needed to figure out how I was going to get insulin for the next couple days.

Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like having to help your wife solve a medical emergency!

Fortunately, my insulin pump company (not to be confused with the medical supply company) is located in San Diego.  So, I called them and asked if I could come pick up an emergency infusion set or two.  They were helpful and said “Certainly, they’ll be ready for you in about 4 hours”.  So, pretty helpful, but that timing still left me with the issue of needing to do injections for the next few hours.  I didn’t have insulin or syringes with me, so we headed home to get it.

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While at home, I started testing my blood and gave myself an injection.  Meanwhile, Dennis went to the backyard and noticed that the gophers were digging up holes again.  He got the rodent poison pellets that have worked in the past, and buried one in the hole.  A few minutes later, he asked me, “Where’s Claira?” and I told him I heard her push the kitchen door open.  He rushed outside and caught her eating the pellet of rodent poison!

A quick internet search followed by a call to one of the many local emergency animal hospitals got us the information we needed.  We had to induce vomiting in our little terrier by giving her hydrogen peroxide.  Fortunately, we had some on hand and quickly got her to take a couple teaspoons, which certainly did the trick.  She threw up voluminously.  The vet still thought we ought to bring her in for observation and a dose of activated charcoal to make sure any traces of the poison were absorbed.

Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a trip to the veterinary hospital with your poisoned dog, right?

We sat in the waiting room of the vet laughing about the absurdity of our “date day” to celebrate Dennis’s birthday – and took a selfie too!  After getting Claira home, all safe and sound, we still had to make the trip out to the pump company to pick up the spare infusion sets.  What a pain.

The day wasn’t a total bust – we picked the kids up early and went out for BBQ that evening.  Plus, the morning was lovely and relaxing.  But, the thing that I kept reflecting on that day and will stay with me much longer than the irritation of those circumstances, was how wonderful Dennis was through it all.  He never complained or acted put out that he’d spent a big chunk of his birthday running around taking care of his wife and dog’s medical emergencies.  He is a very devoted husband, father, and apparently dog owner too!   His calm demeanor and sense of humor about the whole thing made all the difference.

Home and Family, Lutheranism, My Awakening

What Fills Me Up.

kelseybonilla

Whoa. Where did September go??

253.JPGNow that we have two school aged children, I’ve become keenly aware of how busy and hectic the fall season can be. Transitioning from the lack of structure and routine of the summer months into the scheduled-to-the-hilt (what in the world is a hilt?!) school year routine is jarring.  This year, Mateo joined Sienna in the elementary school summer program on August 1st and the kids started soccer practices that same week.  So, even though school didn’t officially start until the 16th, our summer more or less ended at the beginning of August.

Between the fall busy season at my office, school, soccer, starting the Stephen Ministry training program (more on that later), church, football season, family activities and social events, life has been super full the past couple months.  There was a week of crazy work days as we worked to meet the 9/15 tax deadline.  I’m not cut out for 12 hour workdays back-to-back-to-back.  I don’t know how those accountants do it for weeks or months on end!  But, for the most part, we’ve found a good balance of activity and downtime which has felt manageable.

My favorite part of the week is attending mass on Sunday!  My goodness, those couple hours fill me up with such joy and peace, that it feels like I can deal with anything that comes my way the rest of the week.  We recently switched from sitting toward the back of the right hand side of the church, to sitting just in the front of the middle of the left hand side.  Specifically, next to the stained glass of Jesus raising his arms.

167Dennis dutifully gets the whole family up and going on Sunday morning so we can make the 8:00 a.m. service.  We then record the Dolphins game which is typically on at 10:00 a.m. our time and pray that no well intentioned member of our church family decides to give us an update on the game before we head home.

Sliding into the pew with Dennis and the kids, I settle in for the beautiful, familiar routine of the liturgy.  Cuddling with the kids is the best way to keep them from getting bored, loud, and unruly.  It’s typically about a 90 minutes service, so I understand that the kids get fidgety.  But, if we snuggle up with them they tend to behave very well.  I’ve learned so much about the importance of loving actions over frustrated words in getting the kids to behave the way we’d like.  Sienna likes to lay her head in my lap during the sermon so I can run my fingers through her hair.  It’s relaxing for us both!

As I wrote about before, our coffee date while the kids are in Sunday School is something I look forward to all week.  It’s so lovely to walk hand-in-hand with my husband and talk, uninterrupted, about whatever is on our mind.  Sometimes we talk about the logistics of the upcoming week, other times we just chat and reconnect.  Again, this time of connection with my sweet husband totally fills me up for the busyness of the weekly routine.

218.JPGLife is full and blessed.  We’re soaking up as much of our kids as possible during this stage of life.  On the brink of nine and six years old, we’re well out of the little kid stage and moving quickly into the fun middle years of childhood.  I’ve heard so many parents say that these ages (basically before the teen years!) are the best.  I can see why.  Sienna and Mateo are interested in anything that Dennis and I are enthusiastic about.  They’re inquisitive, engaged, and excited to learn new things and have new experiences.  Just talking to them and hearing their perspective on life is delightful!

On the other hand, we’re now a family of four people with different ideas on what we want to do, eat, watch, etc.  Whether it’s picking a movie for Friday Movie Night or debating the dinner options, there’s no shortage of opinions in our house.  Sometimes the kids will take the high road and let their sibling pick the movie, other times kids (okay, mostly Teo) is sent to his room for throwing a fit about not wanting to eat what is served for dinner.  If there’s only one of something left, God help us.  They’ll both want that last banana desperately!

Trying to rush to get dinner on the table?  Yes, of course that’s when Teo drops his pencil sharpener and the shavings go everywhere.  Trying to get out the door for school and work in the morning?  Sienna’s shoes will inevitably be missing even though we’ve asked her to put them on ten times over the past 15 minutes.

The peace that I’ve come to cherish is when I take a deep breath and lovingly tell Teo, “It’s okay.  Go get the broom and dustpan, we’ll get these shavings swept up quickly so we can eat.”  Or, when I look Sienna in the eyes and calmly tell her – “Your shoes are by the front door. Go put them on right now so we can get going.”  We’re all just trying to do our best to get things done individually and as a family.

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I constantly remind myself of the basic tenant of our faith that we’re not doing anything to earn or deserve God’s favor. Christ’s sacrifice means that, by grace, we’re saved and sanctified.  We’re all sinners and fall short of God’s glory.  It takes all the pressure off!  If I slip up and yell at the kids – like I did this week when I accidentally bumped my head on the car door jam as I was reaching for Teo’s school bag – then I pull myself together and apologize to my children for acting poorly.  They respond with “We forgive you mommy.”   We are reconciled to one another and I’ve taught them that we all make mistakes and it’s safe to apologize with humility to right the wrong you’ve committed.

Sitting here, in the fall of 2016, over three years since my awakening, I see life entirely differently.  There are ups and downs, highs and lows in life.  I haven’t been blogging as much lately because these realizations don’t strike me as radical, like they did a couple years ago.  But, I want to write more and share the daily ups and downs, the simple lessons and moments of tenderness that I experience.

I love the peace that comes from surrendering and not trying to have everything figured out.  I love the joy that comes from being present with my family and letting life unfold in ways I’d never imagined.  I love trusting that God has a perfect plan and knowing that he loves and protects us all more completely than we could ever know.  I love taking the time to write out what’s in my heart and mind and am thankful for loving readers.

 

Home and Family, Uncategorized

One Call Away

kelseybonilla

I’d heard the song several times over the previous month, but it didn’t really strike me until a few weeks ago.  The Friday before Teo joined Sienna at their elementary school’s summer program on August 1st, I heard the song while driving home and the melody grabbed me. After dinner, while playing on the floor in Teo’s room, I decided to figure out who sang the song.  A quick Google search brought me to this video.

One Call Away is by a young singer/songwriter named Charlie Puth.  I LOVE this song! The lyrics of the chorus are:

I’m only one call away

I’ll be there to save the day

Superman got nothing on me

I’m only one call away

Teo and I watched the video together and proceeded to hear the song a few more times on the radio over the weekend.

The first day of summer ESS was harder for Teo than I anticipated.  He was embarrassed when his field trip t-shirt was misplaced at the swimming pool and he had to collect it in front of the group.  When I picked the kids up that afternoon, he reported “I don’t like it here. It’s scary!”

Although he did dread going back and cried at drop off for the next few days, my heart was warmed when he told me: “They played your Superman song on the bus today.  It made me think of you and feel better.”

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We’ve continued to search for One Call Away on the radio on a daily basis and added Charlie Puth to our Pandora station too.  This past Tuesday was Teo’s first day of kindergarten and the past few weeks have been full of growth and change for him.  This song has become an anthem for us to share.  I love that it references Superman, since Teo loves superheroes!  Also, the message that mommy is here to save the day touches my heart each time we sing it together.

This afternoon, while cleaning house and doing our regular Sunday prep for the week, One Call Away finally come on Pandora.  Teo and I shot into the living room and sang along.  He stood on the couch so we were eye-to-eye with one another.  Toward the end of the song, there’s a (I have no idea what you’d call this!) raising scale on the word “one”.  Teo has been working to hold longer notes while singing – More Than a Feeling by Boston is his typical practice song – so I knew what he was thinking when the scale started.  We locked eyes and did our best to belt out the notes.  In our living room with it’s gigantic ceiling, we had some good acoustics too. 🙂

Looking at Teo’s sweet face and mischievous little smirk as he sang these notes, my heart jumped into my throat.  I realized that this song would forever remind me of my son and the transition he made from preschool to kindergarten.  I cuddled him in a big hug and breathed in my little boy.  I cherish being here to make him feel safe, secure, and loved while he ventures out into the big world.

As I started to write this post at the patio table this evening, I played the video for inspiration.  Teo was in the living room watching a movie with Sienna and heard the song through the screen of the sliding glass door.  He ran to the door and started to open it.

“Do you want to come hear our song?” I asked.

“Yes!” he said, between bites of his fudge pop.

And we did.