What a Soccer Game Taught Me About Parenting and Letting Go…

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I’ve been applying the Serenity Prayer to my parenting lately; praying for wisdom and discernment for what I can change and what I need to accept. As my kids are growing and maturing every day, they need the grace and space to make mistakes and learn from them. They need me to cheer them on, support them in failure and success, and love them through each stage and phase of life.

A couple weeks ago, Teo had a soccer tournament and played very well. I loved every second of watching him and his buddies play!  The moment that taught me an important lesson came in the second of three games that day.  Teo’s team, the Ice Wolves, were playing one of the strongest teams in the division, one that they’d lost to earlier in the season.  Midway through the first half, Teo and another player collided as they went for the ball.  Teo sprawled out on the ground, knocking the wind out of him.  His coach and I helped Teo to the sideline as he tried to catch his breath.

He was mad at the other player, feeling that he had intentionally taken him out. He was in tears and out of breath.  As I tried to calm him down and prayed that he’d be able to pull himself together to reenter the game, he suddenly said, “I want back in the game!”

“Teo, catch your breath first,” I tried to counsel him.

Getting up from his chair, he said “Coach, I’m ready to go back in.”

As he walked out to his position in the defense, Teo was still taking those short jerky breaths you get after crying and trying to calm his breathing down. I was dubious that he was actually ready to play again.

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But, about a minute later, the ball was kicked toward Teo all alone on the field. He was midway between the center line and the goal he was defending.  He ran up and gave it a big boot down the field… and almost scored into the corner of the goal!  It was incredible!  I’m pretty enthusiastic on the sideline and cheered like crazy as tears filled my eyes.  He had taken all his frustrations and emotions and poured them into the game.  He hadn’t broken down and decided to quit.  After the struggle at the beginning of this season, I was so moved by Teo’s growth and development in this way.

As I thought back to my own emotions when Teo didn’t want to play soccer just a couple months earlier, I could appreciate a new perspective. He was going through a stage then – getting used to the harder academics of first grade and realizing that he could opt out of class, practice, whatever by feigning illness or injury.  That phase passed as he got comfortable in these new environments.  My need to control his experiences (and therefore his emotions), caused us both undue anxiety and stress.

Since that time, I’ve been praying for a serene mindset toward my parenting. I cannot control my children or make them behave or feel a certain way.  I can guide and lovingly support them, but they need to make choices and learn hard lessons when they make poor choices.  They need to explore the world, decide what they like, learn what they’re good at, and in doing so they’ll try things they don’t like and struggle to succeed.  They have their own journeys of growth that they need to experience.  They’ll benefit from parents who help them navigate their emotions while they grow and change rather than trying to coerce them to act the way we think they should.

To this end, I’m trying to listen more than I talk and ask questions more than provide answers. It feels much like the process of surrendering control over my own life, learning to be present in the moment, and trusting God.  Now I’m mindfully handing over my parenting to Him too.

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