Sharing How Confrontation Led to Connection

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For awhile now, I’ll have occasional thoughts about how blogging reinforces my analytical side.  You may have noticed that my posts tend to read more like an article or even a scholarly paper, rather than a personal diary entry.  Given my educational background in philosophy and history, I suppose my training has developed a writing style that’s more analytical than emotional.  I’ll read other blogs, like my favorite: Hands Free Mama, and marvel at the her wonderful observations and the depth of her writing. It’s so beautiful.

imagesThe thing is, when I find myself trying to draft a post and then shy away because it’s drawing me too far into my head and away from my life, I start to feel negatively about blogging.  I don’t want to turn away from this blog.  Instead, I want to embrace my emotions and write more from my heart than my head.

I had a pretty awesome epiphany last week.  I’ve tried to draft a post about it several times, but honestly, it’s difficult to admit without making myself, well… look bad.  So, I procrastinated and tried other angles.

But, I want to be real, honest, and transparent, so here it goes…

I’ve been a manager at work for several years now.  During that time I’ve grown A LOT as a manager and received wonderful training and advice.  A mentor of mine is a huge proponent of feedback and has changed our company culture to embrace giving and receiving feedback.  I’ve gotten fairly good at helping people see where they can improve their performance.  As a managerial tool, I get the benefits of feedback.

This past week I had a couple situations where I was irritated with people.  In my frustration, I talked to other people close to me about the situations and garnered their agreement and approval.  The thing is, those conversations just stirred up my feelings of anger and agitation.  It didn’t matter how many people I told about these issues, there was no hope in resolving it… until, I addressed it directly with the person who I was upset with.

Before confronting the issues directly however, I spent time trying to improve my feelings and fix my intent on the other person’s success.  I wasn’t getting very far, when I just decided to say a prayer for the right words and go talk to the person.

An amazing thing happened when the conversation started, I felt my anger melt away.  It was replaced with a feeling of connection and a desire to help the person understand and grow.  The issues were resolved and I left the exchange feeling invested and hopeful in the other person.

What started as a wise managerial practice, turns out to also be the best way to resolve negative feelings and remain loyal.  Turns out that I didn’t need to tell other people about these situations, all that did was cause me prolonged anger and agitation.  By lovingly confronting the situations with these other people, I actually resolved my frustration AND developed a deeper connection with each of them.  Talk about win/win!

So, there it is.  That’s what I learned. In putting it out there, I pray it’s helpful to someone else!

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