Today was a rough day, emotionally.
Going into today, I was looking forward to Friday! I’d had a very busy work week due to on-boarding two new women into my team, plus helping fill in the gaps in my team’s workload while our new hires get up to speed, plus doing my own work. I was hopping from one thing to another all week, but was able to stay comfortably productive and in the moment. As I texted my friend this week, “I feel energized!”
Today was Family Lunch Day at Sienna’s school. The first Friday of each month they invite families to come eat with their kids. It’s fun!
I felt content with my choice to tell one of my bosses I’d be a bit late for a meeting, so I could attend Family Lunch Day. He was wonderfully supportive, because he loves my kids. I can’t blame him!
Without going into too much detail, my day was derailed during a work meeting. My feelings were hurt by someone’s comments and I made a sneaky exit from the meeting, hurried to my office, slammed the door, and proceeded to cry for the better part of the next hour.
It was one of those moments where I simply couldn’t control my emotions. The tears came quickly and hung around for most of the afternoon. I’d pull myself together, then try to discuss the matter and dissolve into tears again. Maybe it was hormonal, or just a release of stress, or ____________ (fill in the blank). Who knows?
By the end of the afternoon, I’d made peace with the situation. But, the level of emotion over this particular circumstance was puzzling to me; it was so random.
On one hand, I’m glad that I’m now feeling my feelings more genuinely and able to release them. I remember, not that long ago, when I wanted to be able to cry more easily, after having turned off my feelings for so long.
On the other hand, it’s kind of embarrassing to cry at work, especially when you’re surrounded my older men who are reserved and probably see you as an overly emotional woman. Sigh. I wanted to be able to pull myself together much more quickly, but I just couldn’t control it.
Tomorrow will be a new day and this episode will be long behind me by the time I return to work on Monday. Now that I’m reflecting (and drinking a glass of wine!), I can see today as an example of the feelings as weather metaphor in The Happiness Trap. Dr. Harris talks about emotions as weather – it’s always changing.
By letting myself feel my sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and letting all those tears out, the feelings naturally changed. I didn’t try to cheer myself up or talk myself out of feeling down; instead I just cried, and cried, and cried some more. But, now I’m done.
The weather forecast looks brighter ahead.